Last updated: whenever the cat last walked across the keyboard. Legally binding in this dimension and at least two others.
Acknowledgement of Feline Superiority.
By using KittySpeak you agree that your cat is, and has always been, smarter than you. This clause is not open to negotiation, appeal, or hissing.
Accuracy Guarantee.
Every translation is 100% accurate in a parallel universe we are not legally required to identify, visit, or apologize to.
The Bowl Obligation.
If KittySpeak translates your cat as saying "feed me," you are contractually required to go and confirm that the bowl is, in fact, tragically almost empty.
Raccoon Exclusion.
KittySpeak may not be used to negotiate with raccoons, opossums, or any creature that has recently been in your bins. They do not honor our terms and they know what they did.
Admissibility.
Any sentence produced by this website may be entered into evidence by your cat at a later date, in a court your cat has invented.
Dog Confidentiality.
KittySpeak accepts no responsibility for anything the dog overhears and then acts weird about.
Button Fatigue.
The "SAY IT AGAIN" button may be pressed a maximum of 4,000 times per minute. Beyond that, the button gets tired and needs a snack.
The Laughter Levy.
If you laugh, you owe Odin one (1) high five, redeemable immediately, no expiry, no take-backs.
Secret Recipe.
You agree not to reverse-engineer the meows. The meows are a family recipe and the family is watching.
Screenshot Duty.
Any translation you find especially funny must be shown to at least one grown-up within 24 hours. This is for their own good.
Silliness Clause.
KittySpeak reserves the right to be extremely silly at all times, including weekends, holidays, and important meetings.
Involuntary Adoption.
By scrolling this far you have legally adopted a small imaginary cat named Sir Reginald Whiskers the Third. Congratulations. He is already hungry and slightly disappointed in you.
Refund Policy.
Refunds are issued exclusively in the form of additional meows, available on request, forever, at no charge.
Jetpack Disclaimer.
If the translator reports that your cat wants a jetpack, KittySpeak is not liable for the jetpack, the cat, the ceiling, or the resale value of your home.
ALL CAPS.
If a translation appears in ALL CAPS, the cat means it. Proceed accordingly.
Mandatory Cheerfulness.
You may not be sad while using this website. We don't make the rules. Actually we do, and that's the rule.
The Moon Clause.
The moon is watching. That is the entire clause. Sleep well.
Credit Where Credit Is Due.
KittySpeak was founded, designed, art-directed, and creatively perfected by Odin, age 6. The grown-up present was permitted to type. Any brilliance you experience today is entirely Odin's fault.
Amendments.
These terms may change at any moment, especially if a cat sits on the keyboard again, which, statistically, it will.
Governing Law.
These terms are governed by the Pirate Code, which, as everyone knows, is more of a guideline than an actual set of rules.
There is no "I Agree" button. Using the site is agreeing. Also there is a cat directly behind you.
(There isn't. Probably. Don't turn around too fast.)